Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Feeling so much stonger

I don't feel like i need to eat like i have in the past. those cravings and longings have seemed to just vanish. i keep seeing these images in my mind. they are burned in there. its like i can actually see what it is that i am trying to obtain.

i want this so bad. somtimes in my spare time, i can almost feel what it must be like to be so small and tiny. so thin and beautiful. anything looks good on you when you are so delicate!

i get the feeling that this may be it. it is not too long before summer will be here. i suppose you can say that it my set goal date. Just summer. of course, the sooner the better. i get so excited but then i also get really nervous.

What if I already fucked up?

In my opinion, i think that I don't eat that much. perhaps this is why i must continue to use numbers and numbers only. numbers never lie. however, i am petrified that maybe my body is at the point when i can no longer lose any more weight. ridiculous as it sounds, maybe i am in starvation mode. if so, how do i drag myself out of it?

i also do not understand how i could possibly be 90 pounds in the summer and gained all of that crap back? i believe that i am at a high of 97 pounds since i have left my parents house.

i will not continue to weight that much. i know i can do this. i am doing this. i just have to be careful so that when i do actually eat, it is not detrimental to my weight.

Just keep telling myself
88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88
Pure Beauty