Saturday, May 15, 2010

Triumphant Return

this goes to show that no matter how long we are away from ana, we always make it back.

i have lost everything i care about in life. my heart is crippled. me and michael are over. have been for about 5-6 weeks. two weeks ago i had sex with a man 6 years older than me. he doesn't talk to me anymore... i am transforming into someone i dont recognize.

i type this with acrylic fingernails. i just came home from the tanning salon. im on birth control now. dyed my hair, and just got it trim. appearance has once again become everything to me. i am 96 pounds and i think that as a last item on my TO BE BEAUTIFUL list, i need to drop down to 88. let the world watch me diasappear riht in front of their eyes.

i crave numbness. i hate choking back these tears. i need that weed. it helps me sleep. it makes me, not forget, just not care.

the only thing i ever wanted in life was to be loved. preferably by michael. that is dead and gone. i want that, but i suppose i am better off alone.
thank god, ana is always here for me. no matter what.

i have a long summer ahead of me. i will be looking forward to spending it with her.