Saturday, January 16, 2010


I hate myself. I have been fasting and severely restricting for almost two weeks and apparently its not good enough! I haven't lost any weight and I haven't even gained. My boyfriend hurt me and so for the last two days I binged. But, before then, I was running and burning at least 200 calories when I did throwing me in negatives at the end of each day. Maybe thats why I'm not losing anything... I am just keeping everything balanced with my exercise and binges.

Today is a new day. I will spend the next couple of hours on this laptop, cleaning my room, or watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I am obsessed with that show. I have had a dream, not unpleasant, about Ricky Underwood two nights in a row. After that, I am going to leave for work at 2:40, and work until 8:45. Afterwards, I am going to come home and get ready for a party tonight at the Villa. It's a restaurant owned by my sister's boyfriend.

I have survived two days without Michael. He came yesterday and of course he pissed me off because he would not leave after I asked him too. I hate when he does that. I think I may be able to survive for quite a while longer too. Right now, he is at work. Then I will be at work, then a party. And tomorrow, I work all day too. Monday might be hard but I start school on Tuesday. So in the end, maybe this is the best thing.

I feel so worthless for not havving lost any weight. I am not eating today. Tonight, I will log onto this account, and I will proudly post that piece of news. I can be skinny and beautiful. I will be. I need to be.