Tuesday, January 12, 2010


This is my second post of the day but I feel like it needs to be written. I have just gotten out of the bath. I have been in there for a good 45 minutes, reading Marya's book. It is addicting and beautiful, though sad that her disorder began so young. It seems disrespectful of me that she wrote such a book to help young teens, or anybody suffereing from an eating disorder, that I turn to this book as a help guid, a life line, thinspiration. Indeed, I must control my intake of this book as much as I control the calories that I put into my body. I feel that if I read this book slowly, and in portions no bigger than 75 pages a day, I can make it last longer, so that I can last longer. This is not the first book that I have gained insight or inspiration from though. There are other books and to be honest, they are not actually related to any eating disorder at all. A Great and Terrible Beauty is such a book. It's mesmerizing. It is possible that it is not the contents of the books that give me such strength. It could be that the object itself, the story that I immerge myself in, the characters that hold me captive. It could be those. It brings me to an alternate reality, where nothing is real. Yet I long for it to be such. I must sigh at the end of any good book because, well, the book is over, the journey, the adventure. Its done, its all over.

Back to reality, I have almost finished my second bottle of water out of my daily requirement of 3. My boyfriend and I will watch a movie later, with popcorn as I suggested. I even told him that I might just eat some. Thank God I came to my senses. I think I may just continue to enjoy the protests in my stomach just a little bit longer.