Monday, January 11, 2010

Fuck My Life

Everything in my life seems to be going wrong. I just want to bury a hole, a thin line in the ground, just wide enough to bury myself in. I am losing hours at work due to a terrible game of favoritism. I have searched for a new job. I applied, and handed in resumes. I have e-mailed, called, and talked to people in person. I have asked connections and for prayer. I have done everything possible and am still stuck at the same, no money job. I have no more enthusiasm for anything else. I am mad at God. I asked him, begged him, to help me, to let me just please get this job. Did I? Of course not. Apparently, I am not good enough, for him or any other employer. I refuse to eat. I won't. Because then, maybe somebody will notice and they just might care. I am just wondering how I am expected to pay $330 a month when I don't even make that much? He is a cruel God. I will starve and he has to watch. I would much rather die, but before I do, at least I will be beautiful.