Thursday, December 23, 2010


I remember a time in fourth grade that we were all weighed during gym class. I weighed in around 64 pounds whicg was rather small looking back. I remember my friend weighed in a pound or two less. Again, in retrospect, the girl was taller. But the jealousy that coursed through me!

That is the earliest recollection I have of my weight consciousness. Throughout my middle school years, I never ate lunch. I was embarrassed about having a brown bag while everyone bought there food, yet I do not remember the slightest inclination to eat their food. I remember the gloating I could do while they inhaled their food and knowing I would not eat for another few hours. The power I had!

I have always been the skinny one, the toothpick, the one everyone wished ate more.

I remember while I was a freshman in high-school, 15 years old, and I decided point blank that I would not eat ever again. And since then I've battled my way down from 98-93 and back up again. Disgustingly, I am at a high of 99 but I don't expect that number to reign supreme. I plateaued 1 pound away from my goal of 92 and relapsed from there. I have never out grown my 00-0 jeans but then again I do not wish to. How I live is my choice. How you perceive me is yours. I cannot bother myself with trifling name calling of "wannarexics." That term has not been aimed towards me at any given time but it is impolite to aim at anyone else all the same.

I do not have a problem. I am merely seeking a temporary means to a permanent solution. I have desires and aspirations. Who are you to tell me otherwise?
Much love beauties