Monday, November 30, 2009

Full Size Beds Were Meant to Be Shared

You shifted your arm off of me and I backed up, snuggling closer into you. I heard the laughter in your voice as you said "baby, it's not like I wasn't going to put my arm around you again." I miss you so much. Four days and I freaking lost it. Shed a few tears and everything. I want you back but now I have no idea what you are even doing with your life. Will you even be able to get your GED? You can't stay in school any longer! You will be there forever!! I'm scared. So scared. I want you so bad in every way but I don't know if we are good for each other. I really hope I can just move on from you.

My sisters want to take me to an indoor water park for my birthday. The gesture is very sweet but I just don't think it will be a very good emotional experience for me. I know how it will be. It will be the same way it was last year without him. Sad, depressing, and lonely. It's hard for me to keep myself occupied. All I want to do is go shopping and spend money which is not the right thing to do especially since I am trying to save money. I told them, via facebook, that I just want to go to T-mobile to pick out a new phone. That's it. Then, I can just sleep the rest of the day away.

I am so unhappy right now and so down about life. I hate that I force myself to stay awake until ridiculous hours just to see if he replied back to my e-mail or not.

I'm such a fucking failure!! Shit. I over ate. I jusst coudn't stop. I am so disgusting. I will fix it. I promise.